Earlier this week, I clicked over to Boundless.org, and was honored to see my article “Odd Man Out” republished as “Lessons from a Lifelong Third Wheel.”
Since I am honored to see it there, can I just whisper this next part?
I’m grateful that the new title isn’t really true.
I mean – yes, I have been the only single at a baby shower. No, I have never been on a double date. Yes, I have attended the weddings of three younger siblings, including the baby sister I used to rock to sleep. And yes, most of my friends are either married, younger than me — or both.
And yet — thank God, and I hardly know how He did it — being the odd one out just hasn’t defined who I am.
Was it growing up as one of many siblings that helped keep me from trying to go it alone? Is it the single friends God has given me, though most of the time, most of them live on a different continent than I?
I’m sure it has something to do with the young moms from whom I received deep respect, enthusiastic inclusion, and heartfelt prayer. That’s why, when I read “Married Moms Need Single Women,” I felt deeply grateful, because I have experienced what many singles may not: a natural, mutually beneficial relationship with my married friends. And that’s mostly because they reached out to me.
But in her article, Abigail Dodds describes a different dynamic: singles who gladly invest in their married friends. What if married folks are too shy, too busy, too unsure that they have anything to offer us? Does it really matter who goes first? I don’t know: maybe you are braver than I am! Here’s one thing I do know: You definitely have something to offer.
No, really, I know I need all my friends.
Not all my relationships will be easy all the time: I need a refuge. In my article,
I wrote:
Cultivate relationships (from a distance, if necessary) with other singles who are honest about their needs, yet still sparkle with His love. See them as a haven where you can recharge for more difficult interactions.
Not all my relationships will offer the same type of support: I need a balance.
As the odd man out, you may have to reach outside your age group, life stage and location, but it’s worth it to have a coach (your mentor), some fellow singles as running partners, and some (married) folks on the sidelines to cheer you on.
Abigail Dodd says:
So, when a single woman asks, “Who completes me?” I hope you don’t find it a sad consolation when the rest of the body of Christ replies, “I do.” And you complete us, too. The married cannot say to the single, “I have no need of you.” Nor the single to the married (1 Corinthians 12:21).
She’s right: we have God’s word for it.
The eye cannot say to the hand, “I have no need of you,” nor again the head to the feet, “I have no need of you.” On the contrary, the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable…
Whether you feel weak or strong, useless or essential, shunted aside or welcomed today, my hope and prayer for you is that you will increasingly know, and experience, and show how much you belong to the body of Christ.
Elisabeth Adams 