Last September, when I asked some folks for article ideas, one woman responded with a very raw question:
What if I’ve made marriage a priority in vain?
She knows God is trustworthy — and says so. She doesn’t really regret the choices she’s already made. But some courage, please? Some words for the days when fear paints her a long, lonely and poverty-stricken future?
If I were Carolyn McCulley, I could offer some practical advice, help point her towards what God sees as The Measure of Success. (Yes, that’s a book; I recommend it!)
If I could, I’d take her to visit Kim and Andrea: two truly lovely 30-something single sisters who live a Jane Austen life in their tiny house, proving that two is better than one. Though they could find more lucrative jobs, they work for a tiny Christian school that can’t afford to pay them well, considering these students to be their Kingdom work. Just knowing they exist gives me courage.
But that’s not what I was asked for, so I prayed, and pondered, and sat down to write. (Little did I know that her sacrifice of vulnerability was like the little boy’s lunch: transformed by Jesus into a full feast!)
What came out of my finger-tips and onto my keys in that first draft was a surprise:
Boldness. Confidence. Praise. A much more bracing kind of courage than I would naturally share:
Friends, lifelong singleness, if it comes, is not going to kill us. Lifelong poverty will not imprison us. Lifelong sufferings, whether they come in drips or waves, will not overwhelm us. We will be surprised by joy.
I’ve seen the soul-killing effects of isolation, up close and personal. That’s not the kind of singleness I’m advocating here. I’m saying that if we embrace the gift of hunger, allowing it to compel us into closer life with God’s family and with our Savior Himself, we will flourish.
Will there be pain? Undoubtedly.
About the time I wrote that draft, I had one of my prickliest days in a long time. I hurt, and hurt others. Yet on that day, God saw me. And in the generosity of others, I knew He did: I was given a copy of Every Bitter Thing is Sweet.
Now, it took another two months — and more — for that book to arrive. When the suitcase it was carried in got lost for 13 days, it felt like a metaphor for my life, that long, featureless delay for a simple, good desired thing. But it arrived right on time. I read it just two days ago, and saw that what God is teaching me in singleness, He taught Sara in barrenness and the chaos of adoptive motherhood. Her words are the perfect follow-up to what God gave me in today’s article. What she says is rich and practical. And best of all, it works.
How do we cope when we fear the future?
Practice. Practice the presence of God. Speak His works back to Him. Speak His character aloud. Go on: talk big. You can never overshoot or exaggerate when you are magnifying Him.
What do jet lag and prolonged singleness have in common? How about lost suitcases, and hoped-for children long deferred?
A gift.
The gift of hunger.
“Blessed!” Jesus says “Are those who hunger and thirst.”
Why? Well…
“One who is full loathes honey,
but to one who is hungry
everything bitter is sweet.”
“Taste and see that He is good.”
Elisabeth Adams 