This article began with a quest for more guy-friendly topics. I made a simple request for ideas, and one of my male friends replied with a very thought-provoking question.
Little did I know it was to take me way outside my writing comfort zone, spark a brainstorming session with 15 folks in five different countries, provide the catalyst for deepening friendships, spark a brand new blog, convict me about my own relationships, and leave me reluctantly editing out far more fabulous quotes than could ever fit in one place.
I consoled myself by thinking I’d share some of their thoughts here on my blog. And (like the article itself) many of my bonus points are good for either gender. In a nutshell:
The security of an emotionally close relationship is tempting, but premature before you’re pursuing marriage.
Choose your confidants wisely. Find someone to give you a reality check, not feed your infatuation.
Nobody likes empty flirting or having games played with their heart. Nobody likes a cold shoulder or a slow fade. So if someone is clearly interested in you, give a straightforward Yes or No.
It’s a delicate balance, I know. Over-kindness and over-coldness are equally off track. Selfish rashness and selfish caution: both are outside the kingdom realm.
Believers in Jesus, whether we marry each other or not, are on parallel tracks toward a common goal. This is a lifelong closeness and commitment: not to one another, but to Him. As C. S. Lewis describes in The Four Loves, we stand — not eye to eye, like lovers — but shoulder to shoulder with eyes on the same goal. And with eyes (and heart) on that goal, we’ll be steering very well.
“What’s a Guy to Do?” and “What’s a Girl to Do?” have a premise in common:
Sometimes we don’t realize we have the power to hurt others, but as mature men and women, we need to recognize this and plan accordingly.
Suzanne Hadley Gosselin has already written well about the mixed messages that are sometimes sent in mixed-gender friendships. Sometimes it’s the girl’s fault, sometimes it’s the guy’s — and sometimes it’s a joint effort. But today I’m talking about what men can do to keep from leading women on.
And honestly? It’s not impossible to get it right.
Suzanne says:
I have interacted with guys who are genuine and friendly without making me wonder if they want me to have their children. Like a good dance partner, the guy gently eases me to a place where I understand he considers me a friend only. We may engage in a meaningful friendship, but he does not give false signals by inviting me to dinner, emailing me daily or initiating extended time together. While these actions are fine if the guy is interested, they are misleading if he’s not.
Not sure how to keep from leading girls on? Here are a few things a guy can do.
Elisabeth Adams 