What’s a Girl to Do?

Once again, I have a lot of folks to thank for a new article, beginning with some commenters on the Boundless Line.

Jenny suggested:

I think it would be great to have several different articles/posts geared towards men and women separately… Show men how they’re created in the image of God and the awesome role they play. Encourage the woman how we can change our attitudes towards men in general, and how we can build up the men we interact with on a daily basis.

And Naomi wrote:

How about an article encouraging women on the practical ways to encourage men?

To actually come up with ways to do that, I did some research over at the Love and Respect blog and forums, and talked to some real live men (and the women who love them).

Special thanks goes to Jorge, who so eloquently described the influence women can have on men, to C.S. Lewis, who helped me sort out some of the nuances of male-female relationships in his book, The Four Loves, and to Katie, whose two courageous blog posts (Of Mountains and Passion and Call it Out) stoked my vision for unconditional love and encouragement.

To aim at loving instead of being loved requires sacrifice. Love reaches out, willing to be turned down or inconvenienced, expecting no personal reward, wanting only to give. -Elisabeth Elliot

Elisabeth

June 1, 2011

Boundless

10 comments

10 responses to “What’s a Girl to Do?”

Katie

June 8, 2011 at 9:49 am

Loved your article over at Boundless! Wise words, Elisabeth.

Charis H

July 10, 2011 at 10:11 am

thank you for your article on young ladies at home at YLCF! an encouragement, blessing and also a challenge again to me.

E

August 23, 2011 at 6:27 am

Please be careful about these things. You are not called by God to pray about people from the opposite sex in that way, especially since you are single.
The responsability to prayer in that department of spiritual growth is done within the frame of authority and accountability, in the local Christian church community. Older men pray and disciple/mentor younger men, the same older women mentor older women. Praying so specifically for men could lead to emotional attachement, which is sin, since God nor the man has lead things to a relationship (which could give the frame for godly prayer).
Pray insead for yourself and your development, and if you do so, God will do the same for the man He will belss you with as a husband!
Praying

Elisabeth

August 23, 2011 at 12:12 pm

Thanks, E. I agree that wisdom is needed here!

Just to clarify, I’m not advocating praying with the young man in question. Nor am I necessarily advocating you make a project of it. But if someone is on your mind anyway, I think one of the best ways to keep your internal conversation healthy is to bring God into it.

I think a lot depends on the attitude with which you pray. It’s possible to pray possessively, assuming or even demanding that the man in question will someday be your husband. It’s also possible to pray humbly and unselfishly, releasing him to God’s plan as you do so.

E

August 25, 2011 at 6:05 am

The main point of balance in praying for a man, when you are a woman, with an unselfish atttitude, is this: you can pray for him the SAME way you pray for any of your brothers in the church, pastors or other godly men present in your life – for “same reasons”, same blessings, with unselfish motives, and emotional dettachement, with proper boundaries.
And “if someone is on your mind anyway” yes, you should bring it to God but not necessary to pray for his personal well being, but for clarifying your attitude towards him and to ask God to help you guard your heart until further lleading form God and further actions ffrom the man towards you in a potential romantic relationship.

E

August 25, 2011 at 6:11 am

A godly older woman said this: you, as a woman, have no business what so ever in praying or helping or rebuking or encouraging other men except YOUR OWN HUSBAND, if you are blessed with one. You are called to be a helper only to your husband, and you can rest in the fact that other men will help, disciple, mentor and pray other men – there is absolut no need for you as a woman to do that.Even, let’s say, the leader from your Bible study group has difficulties in leading the group or teaching difficult passages, but you should bring the matter to the spiritual church autorities, and not try to help him yourself.

E

August 25, 2011 at 6:14 am

Of course, you are to be kind to them, and speak words of wisdom to them publicly, within the church’s fellowship, and show brotherly agape love. But this is how far this should go for you as a woman. More specifically, deeper and regularly you can pray for your boyfriend, fiancee or husband.
Blessings,
E

Elisabeth

August 26, 2011 at 1:44 pm

Hi, E!

A hearty thank you for encouraging me to think more deeply on this topic.

I like your suggestion to pray for a particular man in the same way you pray for your other brothers in the Lord. Making a habit of praying for a broad range of people does seem like another way to keep from having an unhealthy emotional focus on one person.

I mentioned before that inviting God into your internal conversation is what keeps it healthy. I was thinking of the accountability His simple presence provides, much as bringing a parent into the room may help a group of children to realize that their conversation had gotten off track.

As I was writing this reply, a friend reminded me (by her example) that prayer should be a two-way conversation — in which the Holy Spirit may direct me to pray in a different way, or for a different list of people. Though that was my general attitude, I’m glad to be reminded to specifically ask Him for that direction.

I completely agree that it’s unhealthy to take on responsibility for helping or mentoring a man who is not a family member, but I would really hesitate to say there is never a time in which it’s right to pray for other men.

For instance, I Timothy 2 encourages prayer for all people. Why? Because of God’s heart toward them.

This passage is pretty challenging to the scope of my prayers, and the depth of my concern for others. I do find that praying for a person changes my heart toward them, because I begin seeing them (and myself) from God’s perspective. This is extremely important to me personally, but it looks like my main motivation for praying for others ought to be because God longs for their well-being, and has chosen to work through our prayers in order to bring that about.

E

August 29, 2011 at 6:08 am

I am very happy if you feel challenged to think more (and pray more) on the topic :)
The things that I’ve told you come from my own learning experience – which was long and hard and painful.
When I found myself praying for a specific man, I found myseld more emotionally attached to him. This was unhealthy, this wasn’t God’s intention and it only brought problems.
The passage in Timothy doesn’t mean that you as a woman should pray for everyone – I think you are called to some degree to pray for other nations, and their salvation and their well being but this is different from our topic, right? As I said before, men can pray for men, and women for women within the church’s fellowship. Of course you can publicly pray for an younger/older brother in your church, but this is different from our topic, again.
Hope this makes more sense now, then previous explanations I gave.
Blessings,
E

E

August 29, 2011 at 6:15 am

The heart for others means love from 1 Chor 13 which has nothing to do with emotional feelings and unappropriate attachments to men. As I mentioned before, you can pray for every man you feel called to do so, in the same way: same frequency, same reasons, same non-emotional attachment, same goals – and it’s best to do that in a fellowship prayer group.

Even as a married woman, one should guard a holy wise balance in relationships to men, single or married too.

You can ask God to put on your heart specific peple from your “circle of influence” to pray for – just ask that and see if God will put other men on the list :)