Who remembers the children’s book in which a baby bird is born, hops out of the nest, and immediately begins searching? He asks a cat, a hen, a dog, a cow…He even asks a power shovel: “Are you my mother?”
Silly stuff, I know.
But honestly, it’s confusing to be single, and supposedly surrounded by siblings in Christ. If I were to wander around asking, “Are you my brother?” — who would answer “Yes”?
Who would I want to answer “Yes”?
And if he did, would I know how to treat him?
Someone once asked Jesus, “Who is my neighbor?” Who is this person I’m supposed to love as myself? Jesus’ topsy-turvy answer came wrapped in the parable of the Good Samaritan: He’s someone in my orbit, someone in need, someone I’m tempted to ignore.
I think my answer to “Are you my brother?” may also be unexpected.
Because overwhelmingly, being siblings in Christ is not about what we can’t do, but about all the things we share, together.
“Not Your Sister” is about community, and it grew out of community: a reader’s question about “What’s a Guy to Do?”, a blog post by a friend, my course work over at the Story Cartel, conversations online, in the car, and while out on a walk, a frank beta reader or two, and a couple of life-saving editor friends.
Thanks to Aaron for this key line:
Note that [Paul] doesn’t say, “Don’t relate to [sisters in Christ] at all.” Rather, he advises on how to relate to them properly.
In all purity. And in love: love that looks like Jesus.
We could discuss the details for a while. For instance, my friend Sarah realized that she automatically thinks of every person of the opposite sex as off-limits. If they are married, like her husband’s coworker, “He isn’t just Trey. He is Trey and Laura.” Another friend is not married. She sees him as “Scotty who will one day be married to so-and-so.”
I could say, Women, be wise about chatting online! The lack of context heightens the risk of someone getting hurt. It’s not like church, where he can see you greeting everyone else, for just as long.
I could also say, Men, it’s more hurtful to refuse to acknowledge a girl’s existence than it is to gently refuse to fuel her crush. If you say “Hi, how’s school going?” — and she takes it wrong, then chances are it’s not your fault. We’re all responsible for our own imaginations.
That’s just the beginning of the conversation. Perhaps you have something you’d like to add?
But in short, do justice. Love kindness. And walk humbly with God.
Only He knows your heart, and the heart of each person with whom you interact.
Elisabeth Adams 