I tried to think of another topic for this blog post. Really, I did.
But this is what I had to say.
I have friends who head for debate like it’s a sport. And perhaps, for them, it is — with all the elegance and skill of fencing. Others seem drawn to it like a moth to a flame: their hungry heart and keen mind can’t let them let it go until they understand.
I know the need to understand, but my small powers of analysis run to detail, not to sweeping trends. I don’t mind a friendly discussion, but if there’s a real disagreement, I can tell you where I’m likely to be. Sitting on the sidelines, watching, listening, and waiting to see how the matter will fall.
And in the case of the “marriage-can-be-an-idol” debate, I really had nothing to say. So I waited and watched and listened. And as I sat in a hard wooden chair last week, I knew the answer.
I was surrounded by the persecuted church: real faces and voices, transported for a few days of rest and fellowship to that echoing, flag-stoned room. They were telling stories too BIG with joy to fit inside my heart. Too deep in God’s glory for me to process, even now. I was happy-humbled and honored, just to be there with them.
But I was just plain humbled to realize that there was something else inside my heart. Disappointment and discontent to be surrounded by married people, and no one there to pay attention to me.
Oof. This is excruciatingly honest, and I know you might not understand.
But here’s the joy. Guess how long I had to feel that shame? No longer than a minute. No longer than a second, if my heart could move that fast. However long it took to step into the light of God’s gaze, agree with what He saw in my heart — and be cleansed.
That’s my King.
And this is my King too: He knows my frame. When selfishness is shriveled up and gone, and my heart-need remains, I don’t think He lays it alongside the needs of those other saints and says “It’s too small.”
He says “Your Heavenly Father knows you need these things.”
He sets me free and says, “Run! Chase My Kingdom.”
That glory and joy? Yes, that I can chase.
And you know what? Merry, bountiful goodness is already chasing me.
Elisabeth Adams 